People like this are what give conservatives a bad name

On Monday night, as a favor to my fiance and her brother-in-law, I agreed to go to the sister and brother-in-law's house so they could talk to me about their church. I knew going in that I was going there to be preached at so it's not like I was surprised when I walked in the door. Now, I'm not a religious person. I was raised in a Catholic family and went to church and CCD until I enrolled in a Catholic high school. I know all about The Bible and Jesus and blah, blah, blah. Today, though, you won't find me in a church unless someone is getting married or someone died. You might be able to make the argument, too, that that's because, well, I was raised in a Catholic family and went to church and CCD until I enrolled in a Catholic high school. For over 20 years I did the religion thing. But I never bought into it. It just wasn't for me and eventually I just stopped going because frankly I felt like a hypocrite. And I haaaaaate feeling like a hypocrite. But I digress. So we get to the brother-in-law's house and Ho. Lee. Shit.

They put on the full court press. They split up the fiance and me, took us to different rooms, and proceeded to go through their spiel about The Four Spiritual Laws. At multiple parts they would ask questions about whether or not I had accepted Jesus Christ as my savior. The answer, of course, was always no. These people were hard core. I was told that I wouldn't go to heaven and that they really wanted to see me there. They told me that as great as I thought America is (they are Korean,) heaven is a thousand times better. They were seriously disappointed, I think, when I didn't drop to my knees praising Jesus. In a way I felt bad for them. Their blind faith seemed unfortunate to me. But the one guy puts up siding for like fifteen hours a day to support his family. You know what? If I had to do that shit I'd want to hang every last hope I had on a prayer that there was something to look forward to when I die instead of just not having to work any more. But they were nice enough and the way they talked about JC made it apparent that it made them happy. And whatever, if it makes them happy who am I to begrudge them that.

I don't mind when people have different opinions than me. If they want to be wrong that's their prerogative. I might think that having certain points of view make you unrealistic, un/mis-informed or, say, mind numbingly retarded (I'm looking at you reality TV fans;) but that does not mean that I think that they are not entitled to their opinion. That's why some of my least favorite people on this planet are the ones who try and jam their points of view down the throats of other people who don't share the same views. Now I'm not talking about the kind hearted people who wanted to share with me their love for Jesus, I'm talking about the blow hard douchebags who do not respect differing opinions and proceed to try and manipulate you into coming over to their side by shaping every single aspect of the world in such a way that you can't make a truly informed decision. People like these mouth breathers.

I identify as a conservative and Republican and I've said before that that does not automatically make me some kind of intolerant asshole. And you know why people often times automatically assume that I'm an intolerant asshole? It's because of people like those fucktards at Conservapedia.com. What. The. Fuck? Re-translate the Bible to filter out imaginary liberal propaganda? Those people should get shot in the face.

"Professors are the most liberal group of people in the world, and it's professors who are doing the popular modern translations of the Bible," said Andy Schlafly, founder of Conservapedia.com, the project's online home.

Really asshole? You think that there's a cabal of liberal professors out there secretly trying to subvert conservative society with the mother fucking Bible? Yeah, this is a good idea. Get a bunch of amateurs together who may or may not have any real experience with ancient languages or theology at all and set them loose on a book that has been translated thousands of different fucking ways anyway. I hate you Andy Schlafly. I hate you because it's people like you who fuel the fire of liberals who want to put ME under the same tent as a fucking lunatic with a stick up his ass like you.

Now if only there was a paragraph in this story that might, say, give an example of how big of a dumbass this guy is while also giving us an idea of how he turned out this way. Oh, wait. Here we go:

"The best of the public is better than a group of experts," said Schlafly, whose mother, Phyllis, is a longtime conservative activist known for her opposition to the Equal Rights Amendment.

Actually, no, you idiot. It's not. That's why they are "experts." You ever get sick? Did you go to fucking Yahoo Answers to find out what was wrong with you and how to proceed or did you instead go see a doctor? A, you know, expert. On the surface it sounds like he's making some kind of profound proclamation, like: "In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king." But no. Instead he's displaying his ignorance of reason and rational thought for all the world to see.

And his mom was a conservative activist? There is nothing more annoying and usually blind to anything but their own ridiculous philosophies than an activist. They are vile human beings. They are the type that picket. They throw red pain on people wearing fur. They make outrageous claims in support of their cause regardless of their veracity. I can't stand them. And what's that? Oh, she opposed the Equal Rights Amendment. Splendid. So she was intolerant AND she had what was probably an embarrassingly inappropriate and uninformed idea of what conservatism is? Well there you go. 1 + 2 = Andy Schlafly. And you get bonus douchebag points for being from Jersey, fucker.