Hypocritical Irony

I go on psychotic rants about random shit on a regular basis. A lot of times these rants revolve around selfish people who think that they are way more important than they actually are. Naturally I decided to post these rants in a blog for everyone to see because I think that I am way more important than I actually am. Expect low brow commentary on any and everything with a liberal use of the word douchebag. And lots of commas. Lots and lots of commas.

Friday, January 21, 2011


You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here...

Well, actually you can. I really don't give a shit whether you continue to visit this particular site. It's your life, man. But Hypocritical Irony is getting all grown up with a real website, http://www.hypocriticalirony.com/. So Uncle Martyin is packing up his shit and moving in with some friends at said website. Please feel free to join us there for more ranting, more raving and more pointing out of the obvious and infuriating.

See you there!

Friday, December 3, 2010

And to this I say...


The terrible thing is that I'm joyous about the failure of an effort to raise money for AIDS babes... babies, I meant babies, it's just that I still hope Lady Gaga gets AIDS and dies. (Congratulations for my ability to use the word "babe" in reference to Lady Gaga. If you didn't like it then you go fuck yourself because I thought it was punny.)

And just because I love you and feel bad for writing shitty things while I'm bored, you get this...

Thursday, December 2, 2010

But the real winner of today is...

This goofy looking, Kermit the Frog sounding mother fucker. Philadelphia Mayor Michael Nutter. (And I mean that in the nicest possible way.) 

Even though he keep questionable company:




Fucking worst ever.
He gets an A+ in my book. John Street (the douche before Nutter) didn't exactly set the bar high when it came to mayoral responsibility in Philadelphia. As a matter of fact, he set it so low that not even a slimy piece of shit like Charlie Rangel could have oozed under it. But holy hell has Nutter done the city proud as mayor. I've lauded Philly officials before and I suspect that I will do it again. But after the idiocy that was taking the "Christmas" out of the sign leading into the German Christmas Village at City Hall, Nutter channeled his inner Sam Jackson and said "Fuck that shit. You put the mother fucking Christmas back in the god damn mother fucking Christmas Village."

Ok, what he actually said was:
"We are an international, multi-ethnic, multi-faith city," Nutter said. "I took some time to step back from all of this to think about it in a larger context."
Boring. But he also said:
"The Christmas Village is not a religious service. It's an outdoor fair. It's a very commercial enterprise."
BOOM!! Capitalism bitches.

So who's the bad guy? Why, I'm glad you asked. It's City Manager Richard "Dick" Negrin. Ahem...
Negrin said that he never specifically asked for the word to be removed, but talked with Bauer about the complaints.
"He's a great guy who saw a problem, who was trying to help me," Negrin said
Oof. For a second there I forgot what a painfully Democrat ridden city Philadelphia is. But there's Negrin to remind me. Go ahead mother fucker. Blame that shit on someone else. Pass the buck. Take no accountability for being a douche, just dance your ass around the fact that you were an idiot.

"No, no, no. I wanted to keep Christmas in the name of the village. I just happened to mention to Bauer that, you know, some people complained. If he decided to take the sign down with zero influence from me then that was his prerogative." I imagine he said.

What a fucking jerkoff. But Nutter's still the shit.

Forgiveness is Divine

In the interest of the holiday spirit I'd like to apologize to Kim Kardashian for my rant yesterday. Why?

Well, because she bent over and let her tits hang out. I'm tough, but fair.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Kardashian, Gaga and Seacrest. Your new moral authority America.

I was about to flip my shit in an annual "Some Stupid Motherfuckers Made a Local Business Take Christmas out of the Name of an Event" type rant today because that shit really pisses me off. But as it turns out, if there's one thing that pisses me off more than the types of hypersensitive PC jerkoffs that make people turn their events and names into milqetoast iterations so as not to offend anyone, it's selfimportant celebrities who completely lack any semblance of self awareness and have no grasp on reality. Oh hey, guess what?

Charity is a great thing. Of course, the people who support the vast amount of charities are annoying fucking douchebags. (Donate to Penn State's Dance Marathon here, unless you hate kids with cancer.) But the idea behind charity is noble. Help out those less fortunate. It makes you feel good. Buuuut, here's the thing. Not sharing when you are wiping your ass on Twitter, to make other people donate money is astoundingly selfish and appalling.

Some of the celebs who have vowed to stay off of their Twitter and Facebook accounts until $1 million is raised for AIDS babies are Kim Kardashian, Lady Gaga, and Ryan Seacrest. Keep in mind that their net worths, thanks to exhaustive internet searching, are $12 million, $60 million and $75 million respectively.  Now I can understand why Gaga and Seacrest would have a special place in their heart for AIDS research. (I'll give you a second... got it? Good.) But that big assed attention whore Kardashian should be whored out to the NBA and then that money can be donated to the AIDS babies. Don't tell me the Heat wouldn't pay to run a train.

Well if there's one thing AIDS awareness has taught us, it's that spiders love to go down.
How about the three of them all put together $333,333.33 a piece and then BANG a million bucks. I'll even throw in the left over penny. Keep in mind that Kim Kardashian will do anything to get herself in front of a camera in an effort to keep herself relevant way past what her shelf life should have been. And I do mean anything. Literally, anything.

I don't pretend to be a moral authority on anything. I'm generally a nice guy except for the excessive anger of stupid fucking shit... like celebrities and democrats, but I wouldn't presume to essentially hold people hostage until they gave money to something I cared about. Maybe one of Kardashians Twitter followers hates Lady Gaga and WANTS her to get AIDS. Then what are they supposed to do? I believe that's what is known as a catch-22.

And don't think I'm letting their dipshit followers who will undoubtedly pony up off the hook. They are just as bad for giving those three the inflated sense of self worth that allows them to take their multi-million dollar earnings from amateur porn, whatever the fuck it is that Gaga does, and the fucking Seacrest empire and put the onus of raising money for a charity on their follows who are statistically out of work at a rate of 1 in 10. And frankly probably even more because they presumably skew towards retard teenages who don't work anyway.

Anyway, stay tuned for the Christmas rant that I'm sure will be upcoming because it simmers in me every year for six weeks until I really and truly lose my shit.

Friday, October 22, 2010

Oh, is there an election coming up?

Not that I've been writing a lot lately, but I have purposely shied away from tackling any election coverage. And believe me, there has been plenty to bitch about and make fun of. The problem, however, is that it is really fucking depressing to see what our electoral process has degraded to and the type of people who have thrown themselves in the mix.

I'm aware that it is a cliche, but it's very clear to me that the reason why our government is so fucked and incompetent is that the people in our country who could effectively manage government on both state and federal levels are smart enough not to get into the business in the first place. This is also not a new idea. Politics is a place for narcissists and selfish, self-important douchebags. Somewhere along the line principle and integrity were usurped by the ever present cut-throat nature of politics and it into a game. A game where it was all about winning and getting yours than actually, you know, trying to help people. Now, I have no problem with the competitive nature of politics. Of course you want to "win." Unfortunately when you sacrifice your principles and integrity for said win you become little more than a mercenary. 

The ideas of politics and democracy are fantastic to me. It used to be fun to follow and watch and debate. Who knows? Maybe I've just become jaded but when you follow an election cycle and neither side of the debate is even remotely appealing to you and the only thing that runs through your mind is "You're both embarrassingly and shamelessly full of shit" then you know there's either something wrong with you, or there's something wrong with those involved in the system.

Of course come election day I'll be at the polls. And I'll pull the red lever. But I'll do it based purely on ideology and, as ridiculous as it sounds, a sense of civic duty. I happen to align more with Republicans than Democrats and while I have no data to back up this next assertion, I'm going to go ahead and assume that the blights on our society who feed the bleeding hearts of the left are the ones who by and large don't vote. I'm so sick of it. I'll vote. I'll vote for Republicans because I support small government and strong defense. Because most of them these days are becoming more moderate when it comes to irrelevant social issues that serve no purpose but to create talking points and cause divides.

Damn. Now I'm even more depressed than before.

Oh, and by the way, Christine O'Donell is going to be a Senator. Mark my words. That fucking whack job has been simply talked down to by her Democratic opponent and as far as I can tell not been taken seriously. And the crazy ideologues who people don't take seriously are the most dangerous ones. It's a good thing I don't live in Deleware because that loopy bitch would have caused me to do what I used to have to do when Arlen Specter ran, which is to say not vote along straight party lines but instead have to go one by one so that I could just vost against Specter. That entitled piece of shit.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Watch the clip. Then we'll discuss...

Of course by "discuss" I mean I'll rant and rave about how ABC employs intollerant c... ahem, just a second.

There is really only one word in the English language that I happen to find offensive. That word is cunt. I'm not sure why I find it offensive. I absolutely love offensive words and it's ironic that I would, you know, take offense to one of them. I mean, I'm not personally offended by it because I don't have one, but there's just something about the word that makes me go "oof." Probably because I know that regardless of the company I am in, if someone drops the c-bomb, someone is gonna get hit.

That being said, what I meant to type to start this post was that I'd like to rant and rave about how ABC employs intollerant fucking cunts to spit their bull shit all over the airwaves every Monday through Friday.

We'll not talk about Hasselbeck. We'll not talk about Walters. And we'll not talk about the fat one because I have no idea who she is.

Let's instead talk about Joy Behar and Whoopi Goldberg, heretofor known as the "Contrarian Cunty Commission" or 3C.

I very much enjoy polite discourse. It's an intelligent past-time that intelligent people can engage in. I also don't mind when people disagree with me as long as they can give me a rational explanation of why. I may not always agree with you, but I won't (usually) judge you for disagreeing with me or being "wrong." (Pardon the redundancy.) What I cannot tolerate, however, is when someone ends an argument by running away because they are unable to articulate their point.

Oh hey, did you watch the clip? Now, O'Reilly is great at baiting people into fights; and it's awesome to watch him make someone else flustered while he maintains his cool. But holy shit did Behar and Goldberg grab that proverbial hook and swallow the shit out of it.

And that is what makes them contrarian pieces of shit. As is typical of liberal Americans, they decided that what they needed to do was try and shout down the person they disagreed with instead of offereing any type of intelligent argument. They spewed vitriol at O'Reilly as he attempted to make a point using an issue that just about everyone would be familiar with. The arguments they made had no place in the "discussion," for lack of a better word, and when their illegitimate dispute fell on mostly deaf ears they ran away.

They were cowards and instead of realizing that they were wrong they screamed and yelled. They made a scene. Then they stomped their feet and ran away. Fuck them.