It's cold and flu season. So pay attention.

Alright. Now listen up fuckers. It's that time of the year. Fall is coming and people are starting to get sick. So wash your hands. Take your vitamins. Grab your Airborne and Zicam. And use a motherfucking tissue and cover your mouth when you cough.

I hate noises that come from the human body. I hate sniffles and coughs and snorts. I hate snoring. I hate teeth grinding. (Which incidentally is how I know I want to marry my fiance. I must love her if when she grinds her teeth at night I don't want to punch her repeatedly in the face which is what I have the urge to do whenever I hear someone else make some disgusting noise from their mouth.) I get this rage that builds up inside of me when I see someone cough or sneeze and not cover their mouth. When they decide to snort up the mucous in their nose instead of using a tissue I feel sick to my stomach. I have been coughed on all god damn week at work. The entire week has erased weeks off of my life because of the rage that swelled up inside of me each time I had to listen to a snort or a cough and watch another person not take any precaution to avoid contaminating the entire fucking office. I could just feel the germs attacking the back of my throat every time I saw or heard one of these instances.

It's not fucking hard, people. If you cough, cover your mouth. If you sneeze, sneeze into a tissue. If you have a stuffed nose, FUCKING BLOW IT! I get psychotically angry over lots of stupid shit. Most of it is just my own neurotic obsession with arbitrary shit that I let bother me. (Like the snoring and teeth grinding. God I hate those sounds. I can't even sleep in a room with another person, except the fiance, who makes noise in their sleep because I just lay there in a tense pile of rage and fury and can't fall asleep while I fantasize about smothering them with a pillow.) But the disgusting habits of people that actually put my personal health at risk, I feel, are perfectly acceptable to freak the fuck out about. Just because you can't take care of your own damn self does not mean that I should be subjected to your disgusting projections of bacteria and disease.

In college I lived in a disgusting, filthy fraternity house. Of course at the time it seemed like a 5 star resort, but I am convinced that those horrendous living conditions boulstered my immune system so that I did not get sick for many many years. Everyone who moved into that house got sick for a week right after they moved in and then were healthy for the rest of their stay. Well college was a long time ago and my immunity to various viruses and infections is not what it used to be. So take your disgusting bodily noises and poor standards of hygiene and shove them up your ass. Just make sure that you use a glove and wash your hands when you are done.