EM VEE! EM VEE! EM VEE! EM VEEE! EM VEEE! EM VEEEE!

Wow. I remember driving down County Line Road in Huntington Valley, PA in 2004 when I heard on the radio that T.O. was going to be a Philadelphia Eagle. I damn near drove the car off the road while cheering the fact that the Eagles were just a few short months away from hoisting the Vince Lombardi Trophy. As the next few months would show, of course, #5 would rather hurl his lunch than hoist a trophy.

The following season is history as well. T.O. bitched and moaned like a whiny little girl. The Eagles' brass decided to play hard to get like a bitchy little girl. And the fan base took it in the proverbial pooper like a "she was asking for it" little girl.

Well here we are. It's 2009 and the speculation is over and the hype is just beginning. (Which is different from the hype beginning and speculation ending. That's what that fucktard Brett Favre has had a strangle hold on for the last 4 years.) Michael Vick is going to be a Philadelphia Eagle. And just like in 2004 I am fucking ecstatic.

Oh, this might not turn out well you say? Allow me to retort.

WHO THE FUCK CARES?!?!?

This is going to be one of the most exciting Eagles seasons in recent memory. They could suck balls and the entire season would be compelling: Will Vick supplant McNabb at quarterback? Will McNabb still have that stupid shit eating grin on his face when he sprains his twat and has to watch Vick lead the team into the playoffs? Will Andy Reid finally suffer that fatal coronary on the sideline after that fiftieth slider from White Castle?

Which bring us to another interesting dynamic: The walrus himself, Andy Reid. In his press conference announcing the signing of Vick he admitted that his fuck up kids deserved a second chance and he feels that #7 does too. Of course I find it hard to believe that Reid would actually admit that. So that leads me to believe that he is really just using his crack head kids as a foil in his excuse to bring in an ex-con who, after working out for a few months, will not only be able to take over McNabb's job after he tears his labia, but also steal his lunch and cornhole him afterwards. And how about we just let the organization get off of their high horse about "second chances." I seem to remember back in March when the Eagles made news after firing Dan Leone after he called the team "retarted" for releasing Brian Dawkins. That dude could barely put a coherent thought into a sentence without drowning in the irony of spelling retarded wrong. But yeah, he's still fired. So there's that. You can't be willing to forgive only when it is in your best interest, ass holes.

I can't decide what I'm happier about with this signing. It could be the fact that the Eagles have a potential game changer in Vick. Or that Vick might light a much needed fire under the ass of that annoyingly apathetic, soup slinging quarterback who wields a rocket arm with the touch of a hammer on an anvil. Or that the POTENTIALLY versatile offense that the Eagles have has just become POTENTIALLY that much more electrifying. Or, of course, that I will have the opportunity to go to an Eagles game this season and not only get drunk on a Sunday, but ALSO get to heckle those douchebag PETA assholes who will undoubtedly be protesting all of the Eagles' home games. Actually, that's not true. I think we all know they'd have to be rih-tards to come back after the first time they get ridiculed and assaulted with beer cans and hope things will be different. Oh, wait. They are protesting the fact that a dude who tortured and abused dogs for his own entertainment and financial gain stands to earn 6 million dollars of the next two years. Yeah, I'm not seeing a theme of rationale thought there. Too bad PETA.

I feel like we should take a minute and think about the potential downfalls of the Eagles bringing Vick into the organization.
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Yeah, I couldn't really think of any good ones either.


I'd also like to take a minute and apologize for not going more in-depth on the jackassery that is PETA. (Their statement of the Vick signing was fucking retarded and I hate them. There very well may be a post tomorrow afternoon ripping it apart like a rottweiller in heat on a poodle.) Besides the ACLU and Democrat Party, PETA is right around the top of my list of self serving, pretentious organizations who abuse goodwill for their own selfish gains. I promise after I have my first encounter with one of those d-bags on a nice, cold Sunday afternoon at the LINC, that I will have plenty to say. And hopefully pictures too. But for now, it's late and I have dreams of Michael Vick to conjure. Wait... that didn't come out right. Seriously, you know what I mean. Right? Oh what the fuck ever.