On Wednesday night while the Phillies were kicking the shit out of the Cubbies behind a decent outing by Pedro, this douchebag to the right threw a beer at Shane Victorino. One might ask himself, "What kind of retarded scum bag would throw a beer at a player during a baseball game when said player could potentially have been seriously injured?" Well, the answer is in the picture. Let's take a deeper look.
We'll start from the top.
First: Well, he's a Cubs fan. So he's automatically frustrated about the futile efforts he's expended cheering for a hundred years worth of losing.
Second: The hat. He must have been in a hurry leaving the house because he managed to fuck up the simple act of putting a hat on his head. I'm not a huge fan of wearing hats that are not forward facing, but for the love of god at least if it's not going to be worn straight forward turn it all the way the fuck around. You are not cool. You look like a tool.
Third: The chin strap beard. Look dude, you can either grow a beard or you cannot grow a beard. Just because you happen to have a one inch strip across the bottom of your face that your body is able to muster up the testosterone to grow hair on does not mean that you should. The last time someone wore the chin strap and it was considered "cool" I'm pretty sure it was the "tough" guy in a boy band. See where I'm going with that?
Fourth: The sunglasses. WTF man. Kanye called. He wants his shit back.
Fifth: Is he coming from the basketball court? Perhaps another athletic endeavor? Tennis maybe? Oh, he's not? He's just wearing a wrist sweatband to keep a good grip on his beer before he throws it at someone? Oh, OK. Good work.
Perhaps the worst part about the whole situation (since Victorino did not actually get hurt) is that this fucktard has the balls to let security haul someone ELSE out of the game because they thought he was the one to throw the beer. To make matters worse... he knew the guy! Guess who's buying beers all night the next time they make it to a game? That's just low brow. How do you let a friend take the fall for you when you are the one to act like a jackass?
It's also important to note that if this had happened in Philadelphia the story would have been covered all over the sports landscape as another example of the unruly fans in Philadelphia. We're monsters, you see. We threw snow balls at Santa Clause (about 60 years ago, when he was drunk and deserved it.) We threw batteries at JD Drew (when he was being a douchebag and deserved it.) And we booed Michael Irvin when he broke his neck at the Vet, thus ending his career. OK, that was kind of a dick move. But no, the Cubs are just the lovable losers. Johnny Macchione was but one fan who went a little too far. The poor guy. No mention of the White Sox fans who attacked Royals first base coach Tom Gamboa in 2002. How about attacking a relief pitcher for giving up a home run? Or starting riots during a "Disco Demolition" promotion. No, those are all individual instances that do not define a fan base. Oh, and those all occurred over the last 30 years.
But Philadelphia. Philadelphia is where the monsters are.
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