Guess who cares who you voted for and where you went on vacation. No one.

So I'm on my way into the office this morning and I'm stuck behind an older woman in a Hyundai and I sat at a stop light looking at the bumper sticker she had stuck to her bumper that said "You elected him. You deserve him." Then I noticed in her rear windshield she had another bumper sticker. It was a McCain/Palin sticker and it was affixed to the glass with a piece of scotch tape in the middle so that either side curled back.

Now, there are three different things wrong with this scenario:

1: Bumper stickers are for douchebags. The only acceptable ones are ones that say the name of the college that you attended. Pride in your alma mater is perfectly acceptable. I don't care that your child is an honor student, that you'd rather be fishing or that you were once a tourist on vacation who felt the need to buy one of those ridiculous OBX, SIC, IRL, etc bumper stickers and slap it on your car. (Oh my god! Oh my god! You once went to the Outer Banks?!?! I can only hope to some day follow in your trailblazing footsteps and brave the environment of an extremely popular vacation destination!) You know the only place that you could go where I'd think it necessary to tell people you were there? Fucking Mars. And I especially don't care who you supported in the most recent national election, much less the elections of 2004 and 2000 and definitely not the primaries. Every day when I drive into my development I see a line of three mini-vans sporting faded and tearing Hillary '08 stickers and every day I want to ram my car into them.

2: If you are going to be so insufferable as to broadcast via the ass of your car your opinions, political or otherwise, at least have the decency to do it 100% and stick the thing to your car or windshield. That scotch tape business is bush league. Not only does it look sloppy, but now I have to sit there wondering why you chose to do that and the only explanation I can come up with is that you wanted to remove it after the election. But that can't be because it was over 6 god damn months ago! Then for the rest of the ride into work I have to think about it. I obsess over stupid shit like this and it really effs up my mornings.

3: "You elected him. You deserve him." Really you self righteous dickfor? I voted for McCain/Palin too, but as it turns out sometimes the person you voted for doesn't get elected. I know, I was shocked too. Every time I would hear someone trash W, and every time I hear someone trash Obama with the "I hope he fails" or "He's not MY president" argument I want to punch them in the face. Guess what? The failure of a president has much farther reaching consequences than you getting to smuggly say to your friends, "I told you so." Why oh why would you want the leader of your country to fail at his job? I don't agree with the current administration's policies and I think that Obama is a smooth talker who is going to learn over the next four years that it takes more than smooth talking rhetoric to make real "Change" and affect real improvements to the country, but I don't begrudge him the chance to actually make those improvements. I don't think he will, but I would love to see him prove me wrong.

Bumper stickers have no place in what would be considered an intelligent society. The vast majority of them are only clever to teenagers and grown men who have the sense of humor of teenagers. (Which I am. I didn't say I didn't think that some of them are funny, I just said to keep them off your damn car.) They are eye sores, elicit no intelligent conversation on whatever topic you choose to pontificate on via your tailgate and I'm sick of almost getting into accidents riding up someone's ass so that I can read "If you can read this you're too close."