I like the word douchebag for many different reasons, not the least of which is the variety of ways that it can be employed. Additionally, I love that while the usage is multifaceted, if you call someone a douchebag everyone will automatically know in what context you meant it. In order to make my point, a quick quiz:
Which of the following three men are douchebags?
The answer, of course, is ALL of them. One's a terrorist, one's an obnoxious tool, and one is an arrogant piece of shit; however, they are all douchebags.
And this brings me to my next point. There are so many different types of douches in the world that it can often be difficult to determine, given the choice, which particular douchebag is actually the bigger bag of douche. Allow me to offer two examples.
On one hand you have your Bros Icing Bros variety of douchebag. These douchebags are the type who actually do call eachother bro. The type who will wear seersucker shorts, a pink popped collar and a pair of deck shoes accompanied by a pair of aviators. You know, the type who would come up with a theoretically great game of randomly making a friend chug an alcoholic beverage, and then fucking it up by making that beverage a god damn Smirnoff Ice. There only one type of Smirnoff that I like to chug and it comes in larger glass bottles and goes well with ice and lime. Which brings me to...
Now don't get me wrong. I love vodka. It is by far my favorite spirit. You can mix it with anything or drink it straight. Shit, you can put milk in the damn glass with it and it'll still taste good. I've had vodka so many different ways that I can't remember. Which, of course, is indicitive of a bigger problem. But never EVER in my life did it every occur to me to pour it into my eye. I have heard stories about Metallica using needles to inject liquor right into their veins, and I thought, "Eh, not for me. But whatever." I've seen people light shit on fire before drinking it which didn't make sense to me but again, to each his own. There are people who snort liquor to get drunk which just seems like it would hurt. But when I hear about pouring it into your eyes the first thought that goes through my head is: You are a retarded fucking douchebag. How fucking retarded do you have to be in order to sit around and think, "Hey, I'm going to take this liqour that hurts my throat when I drink it and just go ahead and pour it into my fucking EYE." I will scream like a little girl if I get even the slightest amount of soap or shampoo in my eyes. Got forbid if alcohol came near it. I'd probably die.
See? It's hard. On one hand you have obnoxious idiots who will annoy you with their faggy little game. On the other hand you have, well, obnoxious idiots who will annoy you with their faggy little game. Except the latter will end up needing you to drive them to the hospital. Winner of the bigger d-bag award of the day? Vodka Eyeballers!!
In a close second though, quasi-anonymous douchebags who write blogs making fun of other douchebags.
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