Suck it fatties

The debate about Mattel's Barbie doll has raged on for years. Concerned citizens (read: fat asses and ugly people) have long decried the toy's perpetuation of an unattainable standard for women's physical appearance. Apparently children all over the country have parents that are so useless and lacking in a supportive or nurturing nature, that said kids were looking at Barbie and deciding that they were useless unless they looked just like her.

First of all, people who fall short of any type of standard and use their failure to assert their position that the standard is unreasonable or unfair should die in a fire. Now, technically if a woman had measurements comparable to Barbie she'd be a hideous freak of nature. So I suppose it's true that no child should hold Barbie up to be a physical role model, however, the parents who have the issue don't argue that real life Barbie would be a 6 foot tall anorexic who can't walk, but that instead she's just too gosh darn pretty.

Naturally, instead of teaching children that in reality a woman like Barbie would be in constant pain and discomfort and would likely be ridiculed, they would prefer that Mattel just make her fatter. And you know, that makes sense, Barbie is too skinny so she should more accurately represent the fat asses who sit on their couch and write angry emails about Barbie being too "perfect."

One of the things that I often times find entertaining (if not sometimes infuriating) is when a person or company just gets so sick of taking shit that they go over the top with their ideology or product. It's like Sean Hannity or Keith Olberman knowing that they are playing to a certain demographic and decide to take a high speed trip down the Facism Freeway. Or when KFC finally just said, "Fuck it. We're a fast food restaurant and no matter what you eat here it is phenomenally unhealthy. Just thrown some cheese and bacon between two fried pieces of chicken and call it the Double Down."

Well congratulations to Mattel and Barbie because they've finally just said fuck it. I wish I was in the meeting for their new iteration of Barbie. "Alright guys. We can't win unless we turn Barbie into a chunky, frumpy ugly chick. So here's what we do: give her nice big tits and a low cut blouse. I don't car what you call it. Name her "This is why your husband left you Barbie" for all I care. Just get it done. And when someone complains about it being inappropriate make sure the person that gets interviewed is an ugly barefoot stereotype sitting in her living room complaining about the kids."

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