A week or two ago I heard that Kendra Wilkinson of banging octogenarians fame had a sex tape that was going to be released. I paniced because I thought it was with Hef. Then breathed a sigh of relief when I learned that it wasn't. Yay! That was some fantastic news. She was by far the best one out of Hef's whores. Holly Madison is white trash dressed up for Hollywood. And then, wait, who was the other one? You know, the ugly one. Oh, right. The ugly one. So there was white trash, there was ugly and there was 20 years old with fantastic tits and a liking for sports. So anyway Kendra was the best.
Well Kendra married that piece of shit Hank Baskett and got herself pregnant. And remarkably less attractive, which is to say, fat. That is why news of the sex tape is fantastic. It was supposedly made when she was 18 or 19, right before she decided to fuck an old man for a career. Excellent. There was the normal posturing about her not wanting it released. There were the declarations that she did not give anyone permission to distribute the tape. And there was also her assertion that the tape would be detrimental to her marriage. One of those three sentences contained truth. Guess which one.
Hank: Hey babe, how was your day?
Kendra: It was great. I dug up an old video of some guys I used to know running train and decided to sell it.
Hank: What?
Kendra: Yeah, it's from forever ago. Like 4 or 5 years ago.
Hank: You dumb bitch what the fuck were you thinking making something like that public? I thought we were starting a family together.
Kendra: What's the big deal? Everyone has sex right? I just video taped it and want millions of strangers to see it. Gawd! Don't be so prude!
And of course the bigger issue here is that unfortunately we live in a society where entirely too many people really could have that conversation without a hint of sarcasm or irony. Respect for yourself and those you "care" about is a completely foriegn concept, particularly when it comes to lining your pockets with money. Principles mean something and people who stand by theirs should be applauded. For example, I despise people who have such a litigious nature that they look for any means to sue or swindle someone when it is not necessary to do so. Car accident victims. Slip and fall victims. Ouch your hot coffee burnt my lap because I'm a moron and can't hold onto cups victims. All of them looking for a handout because they can.
A year and a half ago I slipped on ice leaving my office and shattered my leg and akle. The parking lot was not really well maintained and the lighting sucked. I could have sued the owner and probably walked away with 30 or 40 grand. At least that's what I was informed of by a lawyer trying to get me to sue. I refused. I refused on principle because I fucking hate hypocrites and I wasn't about to become one. It was icy out and I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have been. The situation was probably avoidable so there was no need to crutch on down to the courthouse.
I might be a giant sarcastic asshole, but I would say I'm generally a decent person and it pains me to see other people who are so shallow and detached from any semblance of normalcy that simple decency and respect for other people is a foreign concept. I have a family that I love and there is a better chance of me developing a cure for cancer than there is of me doing something that would embarass or otherwise harm them. I am a mysanthropic shithead, so obviously it's not that hard to do. Can we just we just blow up southern California already? Preferably while Baskett's there. I really don't feel like watching him in an Eagles jersey this season.
Now if you'll excuse me, I just hurt my shoulder patting myself on the back so I'm going to call it a day.
No comments:
Post a Comment