Oooohhh, righrightright. I forgot. Tiger's back on the course playing The Masters this weekend. Naturally this is big news and I actually caught a few minutes of the tournament on Thursday. Now, I hate golf. I despise it's drudgery and tedium. I'm not good at it, nor do I have the patience to attempt to succeed at it. Therefore I choose not to like it.
But of course this weekend has little to do with golf even though it is the kickoff to the season. It has everything to do with Tiger. Now I've explained my stance on cheating before. I would never do it; but not out of any moral imperetive. I just wouldn't do it out of respect to my fiancee and frankly it's not worth it. The woman who is hot enough to get me to cheat would have nothing to do with me. That I am sure of. But if I was so inclined to sleep around I just wouldn't get married. Look at Derek Jeter. That guy is covered in random cooze but no one cares. Why? Because he's not married. He's young and rich and therefore gets to hollow out any willing woman he wants. Tiger, if he wanted to bang porn stars and Denny's waitresses and, uh, his neighbor's daughter, should have just stayed single.
Now that I have made it clear (I hope) that I think Tiger is simply a fraud and retard, we can get to the real douchebags who are popping up this weekend. They, of course, are the adminstrators of the PGA and Augusta and that fucktard Jim Nantz as well as David Feherty.
First off, the PGA is complicit in the coddling of Tiger and his carefully structured return to the links. It should not be the duty of the PGA to make sure that their precious little money maker gets everything he wants, exactly how he wants it. To that end, those ass holes at Augusta should be drawn and quartered for doing the like. Increased security? Stringent guidelines for television coverage? Irony of a discriminative, mysoginistic course cow towing to a black guy? Check. Check. And... check. To that end, they both, in the interest of protecting their cash cow, probably cost themselves money. Guess who's not watching the Masters this weekend. I'll tell you. Everyone who wasn't going to watch it in the first place. Guess who would have watched it if they let some of the whores and riff raff onto the course at Augusta. Every. Fucking. One. I would be glued to my TV all weekend. It would be like real life Happy Gilmore and it would have been fucking awesome.
Jim Nantz is a fucking pussy. Sure, it's his 22nd year hosting this elitist circle jerk, but have you seen him talk about Tiger? I turned on Letterman on Thursday night at 11:35 because I forgot that CBS has to have their Masters recap on after the news for 25 fucking minutes. Well what did I see but Jim Nantz interviewing Tiger. And you know what... hold that thought. That's going to be a whole new rant.
For now, fuck you PGA and Augusta. You've made me hate white people with your coddling and posturing and hypocrity and elitism. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go not watch golf. Stay tuned tomorrow or Monday for a breakdown of Nantz' interview with Tiger and how I compare it with an interview he gave to golf.com and The Early Show on CBS.
No comments:
Post a Comment