The sports world almost collapsed on itself this afternoon when word broke that Tiger would not make the cut at the British Open. It's only the second time in his professional career that the golf phenom won't last until the second day of a tournament.
Yawn.
Fuck that guy. Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I hate golf. I find it to be tedious and long and boring and I fucking can't stand it. People watch that shit on TV? Ugh. And you ever tell someone that you don't like to golf? They look at you like you just told them you like violating young children on an altar in a church. Hey, if you want to spend your Saturday or Sunday on the links that's fine. My dad and grandfather love that shit. But it's not for me, so back the fuck off. I digress.
So now we have Tiger fucking Woods shaking the foundation of this Scottish abomination because he's not going to be playing for the rest of the weekend. You know what I say? GOOD! Give some other poor dude a shot at a trophy. For over a decade this guy has stalked the golf courses of the world chewing up and spitting out golfers weekend after weekend. That mother fucker is so good that he won a major last year on a shredded fucking knee.
Right now there's a dude pushing 60 who shares the lead after two rounds. That is awesome. He hasn't won a major since '83 and now he's leading the pack 16 years later. I don't know, that just impresses the hell out of me. But no, the meat of every story about The Open is not that someones grandfather is kicking the shit out of people 25 years younger than him, it's that Tiger is finished playing for the weekend.
But who knows, maybe we should all feel bad for the ad execs at whatever station is going to air the tournament on Sunday. When Tiger doesn't play even less people give a fuck about golf. And really, maybe we should also feel bad for Tiger himself. That poor guy just can't catch a... oh
right...
I forgot. Fuuuuuuuck hiiiiiiiim.
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