Dear Christmas,
I think you're great. Your season is a great time of the year. People are happy. There are parties to go to. Families get together to share each other's company and give each other gifts. It really is a wonderful time of the year. With that being said, I have one request. Back. The. Fuck. Off.
It is the god damn fucking beginning of November and I've seen commercials for you for the last week. Do you know what was a week ago? Hallo-fucking-ween. There used to be a nice little holiday hierarchy that people followed. Once Halloween was over then the Thanksgiving commercials and decorations came out. Then after Thanksgiving it was your turn to shine. Now look at you! Just stomping all over October, November AND December. Exactly who do you think you are?
Just because I like you doesn't mean I want to be reminded of you coming for the 8 weeks leading up to you. It's overkill and I don't fucking like it. Take a break and relax. Trust me, people will still celebrate you. People will still buy tons and tons of worthless shit. I swear to god they will. But we do not have to be reminded that you are right around the corner. It's bad enough when some salesperson throws the "You know, there's only XX shopping days 'til Christmas!!" line at me. Whenever I hear one of those lines I feel like drop kicking the douchebag who said it.
I don't need to open up the newspaper in the beginning of November and have all of your sales screaming at me. After walking into CVS the other day I encountered an entire aisle of your shit. A entire fucking aisle!! It's still November and I've also heard your carols on the radio. What the fuck?
Like I said before, I think you're great. I really do. But please for the love of god stay the fuck out of October. As soon as the turkey is done digesting you can have your time and I promise not to complain. For the time being though, chill the fuck out.
Yours,
H.I.
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